Is it Grief or Depression?: Understanding Your Emotions After Loss

When grieving a loss, whether it’s the death of someone, the end of a relationship, or a major life change, it’s natural to be overwhelmed by emotion. We can tend to explain any emotional response away by labeling it as grief. But sometimes the sadness runs so deep or lasts so long that you start to ask yourself: Is this normal? Is this still grief? Or is it depression? 

Grief and depression can look and feel incredibly similar. Both can bring tears, exhaustion, numbness, and a sense of hopelessness. Yet they are not the same! Just like with anything we experience or feel, it’s important to identify what might be happening so that we can understand ourselves better and assess when we need additional support. In this post, we’ll explore what sets grief and depression apart, where they overlap, and how to recognize the signs of each.

What is Grief?

In short, grief is a natural response to loss. It’s important to note that grief isn’t only experienced after a death. We grieve relationships, roles, routines, health, and even future dreams we’ve had to let go of. There are so many losses that are woven throughout the human experience!  

Often, grief comes in waves. One moment you might feel okay, even laugh or begin to feel connected to life. The next moment, a memory can bring a surge of longing and sadness. This unpredictability is a hallmark of grief because this process isn’t linear. While grief can be extremely painful, it typically still allows room for connection, meaning, and moments of hope. You may notice that you still enjoy things or feel supported by those around you. 

Gentle reminder: We now know so much more about the grieving process and there aren’t 5 stages. It’s much more complex. So if you find yourself not fitting into those neat boxes, it’s because you’re human! More on that in a future post 😊 

What is Depression? When Sadness Becomes Something More

Although anyone may experience depressed moods in response to certain situations, we're going to focus in this post on a clinical diagnosis such as Major Depressive Disorder. Depression is a mental health condition that can affect every part of a person’s life: how they think, feel, sleep, and function day to day. It’s more than “just sadness”. Depression often brings a sense of hopelessness, emptiness, or worthlessness that doesn’t ease of time.  

Although not an exhaustive list, symptoms of depression may include: 

• Persistent low mood 

• Loss of interest in things that used to bring joy 

• Fatigue or difficulty getting out of bed 

• Changes in appetite or sleep 

• Trouble concentrating or difficulty with decision making 

• Thoughts of self-harm 

If you resonate with symptoms on this list, please know that you’re not alone and depression is treatable! Therapy, medication, and support can make a significant difference. 

Shared Symptoms: Where Grief and Depression Overlap

Grief and depression can mirror each other in many ways, especially when the loss is still fresh. It can be easy to confuse the two. Here are some ways they may look or feel similar:  

• Tearfulness and sadness 

• Sleep and appetite changes 

• Withdrawal from people or activities 

• Trouble focusing 

• Physical fatigue 

This overlap can make it challenging to know what exactly you’re experiencing, especially if your grief feels intense. Even though they do share some symptoms, the emotional tone is often different. Grief tends to ebb and flow, while depression tends to feel constant and suffocating.  

Can grief turn into depression? Yes! For some, grief softens over time as they integrate the loss into their life. For others, especially those with prior mental health challenges, complicated losses, or limited support, grief may evolve into depression.  

If your pain feels like it’s getting worse instead of easing, if you’ve stopped functioning in daily life, or if you feel hopeless more days than not, you may be dealing with more than grief. Early support through therapy, community, or a trusted friend can be key in preventing grief from becoming something heavier!

Key Differences Between Grief and Depression

Select each dropdown arrow to learn more about key differences.

Grief

• Emotions come in waves

• Still able to feel pleasure or connection at times

• Self-worth remains intact

• Thoughts of death with a focus on reuniting with the deceased

• Emotions can typically be connected to a specific loss

Depression

• Mood is persistently low or numb

• Loss of interest or pleasure in almost everything

• Feelings of worthlessness are common

• Thoughts of death with a desire to end pain or escape life

• Emotions may feel unexplainable or disconnected from events

Unsure of which you’re feeling? That’s ok and normal! The lines can blur and it might be worth talking to a mental health professional to gain clarity and support.

How to Care for Yourself (or Someone Else) After Loss

Whether you’re grieving or supporting someone after a loss, here are a few gentle ways to provide care:  

Allow the feelings, don’t rush to “fix” them. 

Reach out for support, even if it feels hard. 

Stick to simple routines like sleep, nourishment, movement.  

Write, talk, or create to express the emotions. 

Avoid judgement as there’s no right way to do this.  

Know your limits and find ways to communicate them. 

If you’re not quite sure what you need, that’s ok too! Sometimes just naming what you’re feeling is the first step toward identifying the next step. 

When to Seek Help: Red Flags You Shouldn't Ignore

It’s always good to ask for help, but these signs mean you should:  

• Thoughts of suicide or wishing you weren’t alive 

• Ongoing hopelessness or emotional numbness 

• Complete withdrawal from others or daily life 

• Inability to work, parent, or care for yourself 

• Loss of interest in everything 

You deserve support as you navigate this loss! Talking to a therapist or primary care doctor can bring light to what feels unmanageable. 

Loss changes us.  

It’s ok if you don’t recognize yourself right now. Whether you’re experiencing normal grief, depression, or unsure where you fall, you don’t need to have it all figured out. Just take the next step.  

If this post resonated with you, I hope you’ll give yourself permission to slow down and check in with yourself. If you’re looking for support, consider reaching out to a therapist or someone you trust.