How to Talk to Someone About Mental Health and Suicidal Thoughts

Sarah
Sep 1
4 min read

You don’t have to be an expert to make a life-saving difference.

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, a time to shine light on topics that are often left in the dark. One of the most powerful things you can do is learn how to talk with someone who might be struggling with their mental health or experiencing suicidal thoughts.

Let’s be honest though…it can be scary, right? You might worry about saying the wrong thing, pushing too hard, or making things worse. But here’s the truth: your presence, your care, and your willingness to ask hard questions can help someone feel less alone and less hopeless.

This guide offers practical strategies for opening the conversation, listening with empathy, and connecting your loved one to the support they deserve.

How to Recognize When Someone Is Struggling

Mental health challenges can be hard to see, especially when people feel ashamed or afraid to talk about what they’re going through. But there are often signs that something’s off.

Emotional or behavioral changes to watch for:

Withdrawal from friends, family, or activities
Talking about feeling hopeless, trapped, or like a burden
Changes in sleep, appetite, or energy levels
Increased substance use
Mood swings, irritability, or apathy
Giving away possessions or saying goodbye

If you notice these signs, don’t wait for a “perfect” moment. A caring conversation might feel uncomfortable, but it could also be life-saving.

Creating a Safe Space for the Conversation

If you’re worried about someone, try to approach them in a way that makes them feel emotionally safe and not judged.

Here are some tips:

Choose a quiet, private setting without distractions.
Speak from a place of genuine concern, not interrogation.
Regulate your own nervous system first. A few deep breaths can help you stay calm and grounded.

You might start with something like:

“I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed like yourself lately, and I just wanted to check in. How have you been feeling?”

Or:

“I care about you and I’m here if you need someone to talk to. No pressure, but I wanted you to know I’m open to listening.”

Sometimes, small things like showing up, making space, and staying present make the biggest impact.

What to Say (and What Not to Say)

The goal isn’t to try to solve their problems. It’s to create a moment of connection where they feel safe enough to open up.

Helpful things to say:

“That sounds incredibly hard. I’m really sorry you’re going through this.”
“You’re not a burden. I care about you and want to be here for you.”
“I’m not sure what to say, but I want to listen.”

Avoid:

“At least…” (e.g., “At least you have a job/family/etc.”)
“You just need to…” (minimizing or offering unsolicited advice)
“You’re being dramatic” or “It’s not that bad”

Validation goes further than fixing. Most people in pain aren’t looking for solutions right away. They’re looking for someone who can sit beside them in the midst of feeling unsure about the future.

Talking About Suicide: Yes, You Can Say the Word

Many people are afraid to ask directly about suicidal thoughts because they worry it will plant the idea. But research shows that asking about suicide does not increase the risk. It can actually reduce it.

If you’re concerned, it’s okay to ask:

“Have you been thinking about hurting yourself or ending your life?”

If they say yes, stay calm. You don’t need to panic or jump to conclusions. The fact that they told you is a sign of trust.

What you can say:

“Thank you for telling me. That takes courage.”
“You’re not alone in this. We’ll figure out next steps together.”
“I’m really glad you told me. Let’s make a plan to keep you safe.”

If the answer is no, you’ve still shown them that you’re someone they can talk to about tough topics in the future.

Encouraging Professional Help Without Pushing

When someone is struggling, professional support is essential. However, it can feel overwhelming to take that first step. Your role isn’t to force them, but to gently encourage them and offer help in getting started.

You might say:

“Would it be okay if we looked for a therapist together?”
“If you want, I can go with you to your first appointment.”
“Have you heard of 988? It’s a free, confidential line you can call or text any time.”

If they’re hesitant, don’t give up. Keep the door open. Sometimes planting the seed is enough for them to come back to later.

When It’s a Crisis: What to Do

If your loved one is in immediate danger, it’s crucial to act. Signs of a crisis include talking about a plan, access to means, or expressing intent to die.

Steps you can take:

Call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
If they are actively at risk, don’t leave them alone. Call emergency services if needed.
Remove access to means (e.g., firearms, medications, etc.) if it’s safe and possible.

This isn’t a betrayal to what they’ve shared. It’s an act of love. Keeping someone alive is the first step toward helping them heal.

Take Care of Yourself, Too

Supporting someone in distress can take a toll. You may feel anxious, helpless, or even burned out. It’s okay to acknowledge that this is hard for you, too.

Ways to care for yourself:

Talk to a trusted friend, therapist, or support group.
Set boundaries when needed without guilt.
Practice small, daily acts of self-care and self-compassion.

You don’t have to carry this alone. There are resources for family members, partners, and friends because your well-being is important, too.

You Don’t Need All the Right Words

You don’t have to be a therapist or say everything perfectly to make a difference. Therapists don’t even have all the right words! What matters most is that your loved one knows they’re not alone.

Your presence and your willingness to listen can be a lifeline.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988

The Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is free, confidential, and available 24/7.