How to Regulate Your Emotions: Simple Strategies to Stay Calm and Grounded

Imagine these scenarios with me... 

The morning coffee spills when you’re already running late, so you curse and snap at your family. 

The kids are running around, the TV is at full blast, and the oven timer goes off. At that moment, all you can do is scream.  

The trash is now overflowing because it wasn’t taken out last night and now you find yourself arguing with your partner about ways you’ve hurt each other over the last 5 years. 

You open your email inbox to find an email from your boss saying, “We need to talk. Come to my office when you get in.” Your brain immediately spirals to all of the worst-case scenarios. 

Yikes. Can you see those situations play out and feel your emotions rise? Have you ever had moments like that when your emotions feel like they’re in the driver’s seat? That’s part of the human experience. Stress, sadness, anger, or anxiety take over and leave us feeling overwhelmed or out of control. In those moments, it’s easy to react in ways we later regret or shut down entirely just to get through the day.

Emotional regulation is the ability to pause, notice what we’re feeling, and choose how we want to respond in each situation. It doesn’t mean suppressing our feelings or pretending everything’s “fine”. It’s a way of engaging with our emotions that allow us to stay connected to ourself and those around us, even in when facing challenging situations. 

Don’t feel emotionally regulated? I see you! You’re not “too sensitive” and you aren’t “bad at emotions”. It’s a skill and like any skill, it can be strengthened over time with small, consistent practices. In this post, we’ll review some of those practices that can help you stay calm and grounded when your emotions are running high. 

What is Emotional Regulation and Why Is It So Hard Sometimes?

Simply put, emotional regulation is the ability to stay connected to yourself in the face of strong emotions. It’s noticing your emotions, creating space to respond rather than react, and choosing actions that closely align with your needs and values.  

Here’s what emotional regulation is not: being calm all the time, pretending everything’s fine, pushing emotions down and ignoring them, or “powering through”.  

We know that through life, we will have a wide range of experiences that bring up a wide range of emotions. So the goal becomes that we can navigate those with more steadiness and take care of ourself along the way.  

Easier said than done, I know.  

Ever been around a dysregulated toddler? Trick question. Toddlers are full of dysregulation! Just give them the green cup when they (obviously) wanted the blue one. What you’ll most likely be met with is quite the emotional response which might even include yelling, kicking, name calling, and lots of tears. Their nervous system is overwhelmed and they need help figuring out how to regulate!  

As we age and hopefully grow into maturity, our window of tolerance grows. Our window of tolerance is the sweet spot or zone where you’re able to feel and process emotions without becoming overwhelmed or shutting down.  

We might not cry when handed the green cup, but we might navigate experiences we’ve never faced before or find ourselves overstimulated and overwhelmed causing emotional outbursts because here’s the truth: emotional regulation is hard sometimes. It’s especially hard when we’re tired, stress, burned out, grieving, or carrying old emotional wounds. The part of your brain that helps you stay calm and thoughtful (your prefrontal cortex) can get hijacked by more reactive systems (like your amygdala) in moments of stress or threat. This is a natural and fairly automatic survival response, not a personal failure.  

For many people, past experiences (including trauma, chronic stress, or emotional neglect) can “shrink” that window of tolerance. So if you’ve ever felt like your emotions come on too strong (or might not come on at all), know this: there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Emotional regulation is a skill, not a moral achievement. And it’s something we can all learn and practice!

Simple Strategies to Stay Calm and Grounded

Let’s talk about a few strategies that you can use to build your emotional regulation toolkit. Remember: the goal is not perfection. Start with trying one thing, practicing it, and adjusting it once you decide what works (or doesn’t) for you! 

Pause & Name the Emotion 

When emotions run high, it can seem like there is no space between what we feel

and how we react, but even a brief moment of awareness can bring us back to

center. Using this moment to name what we actually feel can help calm the nervous

system. It’s like turning a lamp on in a dark room, giving us just enough that we can

make decisions about next steps. Sometimes it can help to have a fun and easy

reminder like “name it to tame it” 😊  

Grounding Techniques for the Body 

When emotions flood your system, grounding techniques can help to bring you back

to the present moment and bring you back “into your body”. Here a few quick and

easy ones that you can try:  

• Take 3 slow, deep breaths. Inhale through your nose and out through your mouth. 

• Feel how your feet feel firmly planted on the floor, noticing all of the points of contact. Even better if you can be barefoot in the grass or another spot of textured

  ground!  

• Engage your senses and notice 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can

  hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste. Really focus and identify things that might

  not even seem obvious at first! 

We aren’t avoiding the situation or how we feel about it; trust me, we’ll want to

come back to it! We’re just giving our nervous system some rest so that it can return

to the issue and address it in a calm and clear way.  

Practice Self-Talk with Compassion 

When we aren’t regulated, our inner critic often gets loud and we think things like

“Why are you like this?” or “I’m so stupid”. The key here is to use language that

soothes, not shames. We can try to reframe with phrases like “What do I need right

now?” or “I’m having a really hard time” or “It’s okay to feel this way”. At this point,

we aren’t trying to fix the situation or how we feel about it.  

Create a Calm Environment 

Maintaining your space in a way that supports your nervous system is key. This

looks differently for each person, but think about things like furniture layout, scent,

organization, lights, and sounds.  

Another way that we can maintain our emotional regulation is by keeping routines

as much as possible. This helps our nervous system have a sense of expectation

and safety.  

Move your Body (even just a little!) 

Our strongest emotions are stored in the body. Sometimes, the best way to regulate

and get some distance that allows us clarity is to move.  

• Stretch your arms or shake out your hands 

• Go for a walk 

• Do 10 jumping jacks or dance to a song 

These simple movements help our body release the energy of fight, flight, or freeze

modes and signals to our nervous system that we’re safe.  

Connect with Someone Safe  

Co-regulation is a powerful thing! Sometimes, reaching out to someone else that is

safe and regulated themselves can help us do the same. Make sure it’s a person

that helps you to feel seen and steady.  

If you don’t have the energy or time to meet up, just send a text or a voice memo!

Physical touch can also be a powerful way to co-regulate. In my biased opinion,

touching a pet can be one of the best ways to achieve a calmer state!

When to Seek Extra Support

If you’re trying strategies and they don’t seem to be helping, or you’re noticing intense emotions that you’re unsure how to process, it might be important to reach out for additional support.  

As mentioned earlier, regulation can be very challenging to achieve if there is past trauma or chronic stress. It’s important to receive trauma-informed care that brings you support and clarity.  

Emotional regulation isn’t about avoiding big feelings. That’s not possible and wouldn’t lead us to a fuller life! Emotional regulation is about learning how to move through those big feelings with more awareness and care. The strategies we talked about in this post are meant to add support, not pressure. Try what resonates with you and leave the rest! Remember: growth happens in the small moments of noticing, pausing, and choosing again.  

Take gentle care.