How to Find the Right Therapist: A Step-by-Step Guide

Starting therapy to address any mental health concern is a big (and brave) step. Whether you’ve had a recent mental health diagnosis, you’re navigating grief or managing anxiety symptoms, or you simply crave a space to be seen and heard, finding the right therapist for you can make all the difference in your treatment. 

With thousands of therapists to choose from, where do you even start? How do you know who will be the best match? What if you find out it’s not a good fit? 

In this post, we’ll walk through how to find a therapist who feels like the right fit for you. You’ll learn what to look for, how to use a consultation call to your advantage, and why it’s important to trust your gut along the way. The therapy room should be a place where you feel safe, supported, and empowered, not another place that leaves you questioning yourself.

Know What You're Looking For

An important place to start is gaining clarity for yourself on what you’re looking for in therapy and a therapist. 

Identify any symptoms, areas of concern, or goals you may have. This can include: symptoms that have been distressing and impacting you, relationship challenges that you’ve noticed, difficulty at home/school/work, recent losses, a desire to decrease your irritability or improve communication, as well as wanting to process past hurts. 

The list can be endless, but identifying the most important things to you will help you start your search. This is also a time you can think about any preferences you may have in a therapist.

Here are some questions you may want to consider: 

• Do I want to make sure my therapist participates in my insurance or do I have a budget per session? 

• Is the gender identity of my therapist important? 

• Should my therapist have a cultural background or lens that will help me feel more understood? 

• Is there a communication approach I prefer such as direct and clear or empathic and curious? 

• Do I want to incorporate a particular faith background into our sessions? 

• Am I looking for a particular therapy style? (CBT, EMDR, IFS, Gottman)

Where to Look

Now that you have a better sense of what you need and what you’re looking for, where do you find a therapist?

Word of mouth and recommendations from people you know and trust is a great place to start! This might be a friend or family member, or another professional that already knows you well. Often, this is a Primary Care Physician or another healthcare professional. You may be discussing your symptoms with them already and they can help point you in the right direction for a therapist their patients have had positive experiences with. 

There are also many places you can search online! Here are a few: 

• Psychology Today

• Therapy Den

• Zen Doctor

• Specialized directories for marginalized communities

Once you navigate to these places, make sure to narrow your searches based on what you identified your preferences to be. These directories will include a bio about the therapist with their background, areas of focus, maybe even a video to get to know their approach to care better! 

Now you should have a good sense of which therapist(s) you might want to reach out to for a consultation call. Reach out to them in whatever method feels most comfortable and easiest for you, phone or email. Next, let’s talk about why a consultation call is important and how to prepare for it!

The Consultation Call: Try Before You Commit

The biggest indicator of your success in therapy is correlated to the relationship between you and your therapist. Read that again. I intentionally didn’t mention the therapist’s background, education, letters behind their name, training, or anything else you might think! Obviously, those things are required for the therapist to be recognized by insurance companies and state licensing boards, so I don’t want to minimize their importance. But truly: you will only succeed in therapy if you have a good working relationship with your therapist. That’s why I think consultation calls are a key step in getting clarity on the best fit for you. 

It is standard practice now for therapists to offer a free consultation call that typically lasts for 15-20 minutes. It’s a time for you to get to know the therapist a little better and make sure you’re feeling like this would be a good fit. The therapist will often start by asking about what’s been going on that’s having you reach out for additional support. Share as much or as little as you’d like, making sure to include anything that might allow you to determine if they are able to meet your needs. 

Hopefully, the therapist will respond to what you share with openness and empathy, possibly asking for some additional clarification on what you’re looking for in therapy and what your goals are. This is a time to ask them more about their background, specialties, and how they approach therapy! 

There will be some brief conversation about logistics as well, including whether you prefer virtual or in person sessions, the cost of each session (or insurance coverage), and any day/time preferences you may have. 

Throughout this brief conversation, check in with yourself. How are you responding to the therapist? Do you feel heard, understood, comfortable, and respected? Even though this wasn’t a therapy session, a good therapist will make you feel more calm and hopeful toward your situation even within 15 minutes. If that’s true, it’s a good indicator that you’ve found your fit! If not, trust your gut! It’s ok to keep looking and let the therapist know that you’re searching around.

Here are some red flags in a therapist: 

• Dismisses or minimizes your experience

• Interrupts or talks over you

• Tells you how you should feel instead of exploring how you do feel

• Makes assumptions

• Doesn’t acknowledge limitations when working outside of their scope

• Over-shares and talks about their own struggles without a clear therapeutic purpose

• Makes you feel like you’re there to support them

• Pushes a one-size-fits-all approach

• Pressures you to try a treatment style that you’re not comfortable with

• Refuses to acknowledge when they’ve made a mistake

• Reacts poorly when you ask questions or express discomfort

• Seems distracted, bored, or rushed

• Forgets important details you’ve shared

• Uses shaming language or judgement

Feeling It Out: Why the First Few Sessions Matter

Your consultation call went well and you’ve booked your first session! I know you’re feeling eager to jump in as well as anxious to share some deep pains with a stranger. That’s completely normal and like with any important relationship, chemistry can take time. 

Throughout these first few sessions, it’s important to be checking in with yourself during the session as well as immediately following the session. Maybe even take a few minutes after the video call ends or when you’re in your car in the parking lot. Notice any clues your body is giving you in response to the session. 

Please know that with starting a therapeutic relationship, there will be discomfort. You’re sharing some heavy stuff with a complete stranger and unpacking things that you may have been avoiding for some time now. That’s going to come with an expected weight. However, a good portion of that weight should be held with compassion by your therapist. Checking in with yourself now will help you identify if this is discomfort or a true misalignment. 

If you’ve identified it as misalignment, it’s best to know and communicate that now. At Still Waters Counseling Services, we build in a 4-session “trial” period to allow open communication between client and therapist about whether this is a good fit and the process is moving in the direction that aligns most with your goals. 

I know it can be discouraging and exhausting to feel like you’re starting over, but it’s so important to find the right therapist for you.

It's not about being "too picky", it's about finding a safe space.

Even if it hasn’t been a great fit, go back through and see what you’ve learned. Maybe go back to the initial list you made with your preferences and add a few more that might be more important than you initially thought!

No Matter What, Trust Yourself in the Process

Finding the right therapist is deeply personal and it’s ok if it takes time. Whether you’re just starting your search or re-evaluating an existing relationship, remember: the right therapeutic connection is a powerful part of your healing. 

It’s ok to ask questions, trust your instincts, and walk away from a therapist who doesn’t feel like the right fit. It’s brave to advocate for the care that you need and deserve!

Take gentle care, and may stillness bring you clarity.